Today I feel sort of confused , because I skipped some days in my thinking and writing posts. I failed thinking in a positive way. I don't know what is the reason of my failure. Maybe it's my weakness in general. The curious thing about it is the fact that my mother consider me a strong person. And I deny everything. It is sad but true.
Some time ago I went to the doctor and she told me that I shouldn't be left alone and travel alone. I became furious. How come? My life is changing and I get stuck in marazm.
What's interesting is the fact that there are so many things to be happy about in my life and I don't perceive them. Maybe once again I should be left in the mental asylum as previously.
When I read Pawlikowska's books I wonder if I also can write and this is my first trial actually. My monster tells me that I don't. Basicly I do everything for myself not for others. My mother recently said: You don't live for others but for God and for yourself. That is interesting and true in an egoistic way
I consider the fact that there is something with my mind. That I can't focus and teach. I don't know how to answer such a question, because this fact is irreversible.
I feel sort of ashamed that I think only about myself not about others. And this is a vicious circle
Such thoughts occupy my mind constantly. Then I get angry with myself because I 'm so toxic. Please help me God. One more thing which bugs me is the fact that my blog is getting more and more toxic. Maybe by writing I will let out of my emotions once and for all. Maybe
Brak komentarzy:
Prześlij komentarz