Messy room

Today you can see my messy room with everything what I need to draw. In other words my workshop. I like big formats that's why I use big sheets of paper , because in my opinion big formats attract attention more than small sizes. Everything I collect in my coach. I hope that sooner or later someone will admire my work which finally pays off. You don't have to worry that it is always so. I left that mess which is sort of creative and then quickly wipe everything off. So now everything is in order.
I hope you will have a wonderful day today . Unfortunately in Poland it's snowing and it is freezing. You'd better wear fat socks and a scarf. Such weather doesn't work well on my psyche but it passes away.

Today I spend some time on the net and found good cosmetic summaries. Sometime I find something valuable to me basicly thanks to my mum. I sometimes think that it is better to do make up but I don't have enough money. Unfortunately.......

My beautiful legs

Today I don't have much to say. I just want to say hello to anyone present on my blog. I came to the conclusion that it is pointless to write anything 'cause it is so toxic that I can't stand. Just simple hello is enough.

Shaped hand

Today I feel sort of confused , because I skipped some days in my thinking and writing posts. I failed thinking in a positive way. I don't know what is the reason of my failure. Maybe it's my weakness in general. The curious thing about it is the fact that my mother consider me a strong person. And I deny everything. It is sad but true.

Some time ago I went to the doctor and she told me that I shouldn't be left alone and travel alone. I became furious. How come? My life is changing and I get stuck in marazm.

What's interesting is the fact that there are so many things to be happy about in my life and I don't perceive them. Maybe once again I should be left in the mental asylum as previously.

When I read Pawlikowska's books I wonder if I also can write and this is my first trial actually. My monster tells me that I don't. Basicly I do everything for myself not for others. My mother recently said: You don't live for others but for God and for yourself. That is interesting and true in an egoistic way

I consider the fact that there is something with my mind. That I can't focus and teach. I don't know how to answer such a question, because this fact is irreversible.

I feel sort of ashamed that I think only about myself not about others. And this is a vicious circle

Such thoughts occupy my mind constantly. Then I get angry with myself because I 'm so toxic. Please help me God. One more thing which bugs me is the fact that my blog is getting more and more toxic. Maybe by writing I will let out of my emotions once and for all. Maybe

My hand3

Today I made a decision to start everything anew.to make everything different. How the world would be beautiful without our terrible thoughts. It's difficult for me to describe what bugs me. But certainly there is something that really is descrutive. What pleases me is the fact that I want to change something and don't come back to the past. What raises my spirit is the fact that I want to change something. This is pleasing. Bye.

My hand2

Mayby it's getting sort of boring but I still going to write about the power of my thouhts and how they inluence me. Their power is immence. They condition my thinking and my acting in the world. Sometimes I'm in suisidal mood and sometimes I'm in full bloom. How important is to believe in oneself and think about oneself in a good way. I discover it everyday and never stop hoping that one day I'll find a way out, though it is hard to believe. Never stop hoping that's my way of thinking right now. I hope you will find a good way of living and thinking.

My hand

Hi, today my new post is about optimism and everything connected with it. I'm already mature and think that if you want to be sane you should be optimistic. I found a new method. Every my problem give out to the highest mind or you may call it God. He knows better what to do with my life and how to change it for the better. Thanks to it I feel better. I know there is somebody high above me who knows me best and knows how to solve my problems. I trust him and believe him thorouhly.

I wish you the same and I'm aware that he pampers me a lot with his graces. I wish you the same. Good luck.

Here you can see myself in a mirror. I don't feel like showing myself. Maybe this is what bugs me. Maybe I should think of making a sort of theraphy for myself by shooting myself photos. first I started with my leg and hands photos.

Today I feel allright, full of positive energy. I came to the conclusion that my monster tormented me for such a long time. Seemingly I wanted to wipe myself from the surface of the earth. It's so sick I know of that , but I'm a doctor as well as a tormentor of myself. And only I can raise my spirits. I don't want to do that any more. simply I can't. There are so many things within me that I want to erase, even the good ones. It's terrible and illuminating at the same time because I know what are they. All I want to repeat is "be brave" and only this appeals to me. How easy is to humiliate oneself and how difficult is to accept oneself and have hope that something will change in the future.

My almighty hand

Today as i proised a photo of my hand. Unfortunately I have some problems with the blog that's I'll keep it short.