My world changing views

Above is my abstaction based on O'Keeffe's painting. It is not a repetition of what she has done but my interpretation. In secret I will tell you that this picture was sold and I lived on the money for some time.

As I 've already told I deal with art but not professionally. Thanks to it I have some musings which to me are interesting and I 'd like to share my thoughts with you. Yesterday I watched a programme on tv about Degas' s nude acts. I looked through his works. They were nice but what strikes me is that they were not perfect even some of them were unfinished.

I came to the conclusion that art is not about perfection, because even  human nature is not perfect. Everything what is important is looking for your way of expression which is imperfect and sometimes scruffy.
But it is yours. Sometimes you find the demand for your art ,sometimes not.

This imperfectness is cute to me and I associate it with holliness where people though sinful become saints. The same is with art. It is all about taste and luck.

Cezanne's still life

Here is one of Cezanne's paintings. I don't know the name of it, but there must be something with "still life" in it. Somehow I started to have a crunch on him. Many people don't favour his art but I adore it , especially his appels which are characteristic.

Some time ago I started using canvas in my art. It is not cheap but the outcome is magnicient. Apart from this you can hang it on the wall. I 've just finished painting a more complex still life by Cezanne on the canvas. The result is stunning and I hope to present it in some time

I often admire those classical painters like Rubens and Rembrant and deep in my heart I feel that I cannot contest with them. But when such thoughts haunt me I recall Van Gogh who didn't paint like those perfect painters. He called himself a colorist which is true, because he used a spectrum of colours .He simply poured out his soul in his paintings and devoted all his will power to it.

.Can you imagine 2000 paintings during 7 years or so. That's incredible. I often think how misunderstood he felt, how he dreamt of fame and fortune and his words" One day my paintings will excede the price of money which I gave for paints and paint brushes." Some people think that he was a dreamer , but I brood over it thinking that this wisecrack was prophetic.

Still life by P. Ceazanne

Recently I've noticed that I have interesting musings on art. It is maybe because I deal with it a lot. It is my part of life although it is not my profession.

To me art is the freedom of expression no matter who you are. If you are a railwayman or a preacher like Van Gogh was or you do any other job. It would be wrong to call art a branch of science 'cause it deals with emotions. It is certainly not a science. You cannot examine it. All you can do is to judge whether you like it or not.

I know some people who don't recall the names of their favourite painters but only remember their masterpieces and the feelings that accompanied them. I paint and I draw mainly because I realise my feelings on the canvas. I can observe the touch of the paint brush and enjoy the outcome. What is more and I want to emphasize it here is that everyone can have his input in art. It doesn't matter if you are skillful at painting or you paint childishly. You enrich art with your own input and the richness of your expression, the richness of your personality.

I heard at my painting course that Picasso actually destroyed art with his kitch. I don't know what is your opinion on this but I think that he enriched art with his cubism and mayhem. His art was actually who he was. He had the right to express himself and have his audience of admirers. Personally , I admire his art but it is something personal and you can have a different opinion. So all in all , what I want to empasize and it is my opinion only that the beauty of art lies in everyone's expression. Nobody impoverishes art as such. Everyone has got his only input which is extraordinary.

Life learning

Today I want to make my way towards a new life. As usual I follow Pawlikowska's teachings and keep practising but I withdraw too quickly. What I mean by this is reapiting mantras in my mind as long as they prove to be successful. For example I reapeat the saying I'm loved I feel secure. I don't know if I endure this trial but I feel that I do something for myself, something to change my life. As a rule I lived in constant fear and I felt it was normal. Now I know it is pointless and useless. I wish I could believe in these mantras. My subconciousness is so stubborn.

Now I started having holidays. The weather is nice, but I leave in fear of what will happen in the future. I still paint. This painting is in oil. It depicts a rose. In general, it was one of the first successful flowers of mine. Thanks to that course I'm better at painting. I even managed to do Lempicka's painting and it proved to be good.