Life learning

Today I want to make my way towards a new life. As usual I follow Pawlikowska's teachings and keep practising but I withdraw too quickly. What I mean by this is reapiting mantras in my mind as long as they prove to be successful. For example I reapeat the saying I'm loved I feel secure. I don't know if I endure this trial but I feel that I do something for myself, something to change my life. As a rule I lived in constant fear and I felt it was normal. Now I know it is pointless and useless. I wish I could believe in these mantras. My subconciousness is so stubborn.

Now I started having holidays. The weather is nice, but I leave in fear of what will happen in the future. I still paint. This painting is in oil. It depicts a rose. In general, it was one of the first successful flowers of mine. Thanks to that course I'm better at painting. I even managed to do Lempicka's painting and it proved to be good.