Here you can see myself in a mirror. I don't feel like showing myself. Maybe this is what bugs me. Maybe I should think of making a sort of theraphy for myself by shooting myself photos. first I started with my leg and hands photos.

Today I feel allright, full of positive energy. I came to the conclusion that my monster tormented me for such a long time. Seemingly I wanted to wipe myself from the surface of the earth. It's so sick I know of that , but I'm a doctor as well as a tormentor of myself. And only I can raise my spirits. I don't want to do that any more. simply I can't. There are so many things within me that I want to erase, even the good ones. It's terrible and illuminating at the same time because I know what are they. All I want to repeat is "be brave" and only this appeals to me. How easy is to humiliate oneself and how difficult is to accept oneself and have hope that something will change in the future.