Today I feel sort of confused. That's my state of mind. The reason is that I don't thoroughly believe in myself. I find so many obstacles that I can't seemingly overcome. I feel like redundant trush. I feel powerless. It's a terrible feeling. Actually I have no idea why I evaluate myself in such a way. The answer is that I simply got used to it. This is a habitual mechanism that I can't overcome. Besides I think what people will say about my failures. In this way I make a problem look bigger that it actually is. I forgot to tell you about the whole situation. It's all about giving private lessons to people. I have such a fear that I'll fail and nothing will come out it. Please raise my spirits.
The first step to rise my spirits is the picture of the boy in the tube. It's so joyful that I wonder why I find the activity so depressing. Actually it's smaller than the other drawings. The colours make you feel active and optimistic about life. Besides I have to praise myself for drawing a child properly. That's a big advantage. There are so many things that I can praise myself for. It's hard to enumerate them.
Now I came to the conclusion that there is nothing to punish myself for. And I should take from life everything what it gives me and be more courageous. That's it. There is nothing to be afraid of. Besides if I fail I will know why. Now I'm in sort of vacumm and fear to come out of it. The only person to help me is myself .
I have to tell you that such flow of speach helps a lot to purify my spirits and release tension. Thanks a lot for your attention. Bye untill tomarrow.
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